Why I no longer subscribe to the CTFxC.

Sigh.

I wanted to be finished with this, I honestly did. Alas, because of my feisty and opinionated personality and the fact that people who feel the way I do are constantly discredited for their opinions because they aren’t very well written or are very young, I decided to write my final piece on the matter. I hope we can all be respectful to one another. 

My opinion isn’t the majority, and I understand that. Tell me to screw off all you want – I quite frankly don’t care. I would just like those of you who will want to call me a variety of horrible names after reading this to remember that, in the end, my opinion won’t change and neither will yours – is it really worth it?

I wrote my initial reaction to the divorce here

(http://vanilladose.tumblr.com/post/83590221277/ctfxc-separation-thoughts) and I recapped Alli’s first video afterwards here

(http://vanilladose.tumblr.com/post/83596408233/alli-trippy-speaks-since-separation-announcement)

Read those for some background and to get a good grasp on how the rest of this post will go. In essence, I have unsubscribed from the CTFxC channel and, yes, you could say I took Alli’s side in the whole divorce situation. I have my reasons and opinions all ready to go, so I suppose we’ll just jump right into it.

Let me start off by clearly stating this: there is never just one person to blame for a divorce.

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Simple enough, isn’t it? I wouldn’t say that is always true, but as a general rule, it is. Alli herself has said that there was not a specific event or situation that caused them to seek separation. That could mean anything, really, but I’m sure that Charles getting cancer, him touring immediately after their wedding and getting engaged so quickly (they’d only been dating around six months) had a lot to do with the stress of this relationship that maybe caused a certain person to seek comfort in another person. I mean, the day after their wedding Charles left to go on tour, and while he was on tour he was diagnosed with brain cancer. For God’s sake, they didn’t even have a chance to have a stress-free honeymoon stage. 

Another aspect that they are both at fault for are their clashing personalities. Alli is more mature, Charles is, admittedly, more immature. There is nothing wrong with that, and please don’t take that as me saying as much, but I’m sure that caused tension. Many times in the videos we saw Alli become emotional and Charles would respond with, “Hey, don’t worry about it – be happy!” Eh, doubt that it always went smoothly. On the other hand, Alli would want to be serious sometimes when Charles wanted to be goofy, and she got mad occasionally. 

So, now that we have that all out of the way, let me say this: Charles alone is why I don’t watch the vlogs anymore.

I’m sorry, but it is true. Do I think he is a bad person? No, not at all. Do I think he is the one who pursued separation because he had feelings for Allie? Yes. Do I think he is treating Alli horribly, and that many of the “diehard” CTFxCers that would defend Charles if he committed mass murder are blind ten year olds? Yes.

After the separation video, within a matter of days, viewers found out that Charles was going on double dates with another girl, who we now know to be Allie Weswhatever (that isn’t me being snarky, I just don’t know her full last name). The internet is the internet, and I’m not sure how Charles didn’t realize that said internet can pretty much find out whatever it wants. People were tracing back Facebook interaction between Allie and Charles dating back to November of last year.

Charles sort of responded to it initially in a video and a few comments, basically telling everyone to stay out of his personal life, to move on, and to let him be happy, which brings me to my first point in this saga:

  1. Charles is hypocritical.

Sure, I get it. He doesn’t like that his fandom is annoyed with the fact that the woman who has been a huge part of their CTFxC lives has been thrown out with very little closure and quickly replaced with another. What I don’t understand is why Charles believes he is exempt from negative criticism when he publicly posts sections of his life online every single day.

Whether he likes it or not – and I’m sure he does, considering he makes a pretty penny off of it – more than a million people are subscribed to his channel and he is famous in his own right. Once you’ve reached a certain level of fame, privacy doesn’t really exist, and negative reactions will happen. I didn’t hear Brad Pitt whine about a lack of privacy or lament over the fact that people were mad at him when he pursued Angelina Jolie while being married to Jennifer Aniston. Charles makes the decision every single day to post and share his life with strangers. If his privacy is really that much of a concern, perhaps he should take a break from vlogging.

Moving on. Charles later admitted on Facebook that he was seeing someone else, but maintains he didn’t cheat on Alli in any way, physically or emotionally. I personally don’t buy that - I think he had feelings for Allie and broke it off with Alli (God, that’s weird to type) because he didn’t want to cheat on her. Pictures on Instagram started to surface before Allie was properly introduced in the videos. In my opinion, bias for Alli aside, I think the pictures are stupid. They were (and he still posts many like it) pictures of Allie with captions so sickeningly sweet that a diabetic would need a shot of insulin after reading them. It’s annoying when it’s people you used to go to high school with and it’s annoying when it’s a YouTube celebrity, too.

Fans had mixed reactions, especially when it was discovered that Allie has a DUI. I’m not near as mad about this fact as some people are, but I’d be a liar if I were to say that it didn’t irk me. But, I’m sure it was a one-time thing for her and she won’t do it again. Shit happens. Other people weren’t so forgiving and called Allie “classless.” Brings us to the next point:

  1. Charles can be a huge jerk.

So, Charles sees that people are reacting unfavorably to the fact he admitted he has a new girlfriend a mere few weeks after he announced he and Alli were separating, and he decides the best thing to do is post a ton of pictures of her and say, (basically) “Fuck you guys, stop being all pissed off about this - she is the most beautiful thing since Van Gogh painted Starry Fucking Night and I love her, so you better start loving her, too.”

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 It’s true in essence – it’s clear that Charles and Alli will never get back together and it’s only a matter of time before Charles decides to propose to Allison #3, so if you don’t like her, you either have to suck it up or leave. I still think it’s a pretty rude thing to do to your viewers, nonetheless, not to mention annoying. If I wanted to see someone and their brand new girlfriend fawn over each other in their new relationship phase, I would go sit in the student building at my college.

 It is also rude to call out your wife or passive-aggressively talk shit about her. Sadly, I don’t have the screenshots to show you myself (they aren’t mine and I don’t want to post what isn’t mine), but I can word-for-word copy the incidents in question:

On Facebook, a CTFxCer wrote:

“I stopped watching the ctfxc blogs ages ago when alli did nothing but dog Charles and treat him poorly… it took the fun out of the vlogs. Anyone remember dogging alli for that? Then you dog Charles for ending it? Now you dog this new woman..let’s face it, you all love to have someone to blame. I for one, don’t care how or what happened. I’m happy to see Charles happy, if this girl does that…Welcome to the ctfxc family”

That is all fine and well, though I personally disagree with the opinion that Alli treated Charles poorly at all (seriously, when did that ever happen?), but Charles was quick to respond with a simple “<3”.

 Really, dude? C’mon. Either say it yourself or keep your mouth shut.

Of course Charles deserves to be happy, and yeah, if Allie does that for him then that is fine. Whatever. But he doesn’t need to be passive-aggressively approving every bad thing said about his ex-wife. 

Which brings me to the infamous Instagram incident.

Someone on Instagram called Allie classless (for whatever reason). Charles so eloquently responded with “Mkay lets go watch drunk gaming together and talk!” After that, another person replied to the classless comment by saying their logic was flawed because Alli “drank like a fish, cursed” and what have you, and Charles replied, “There we go.”

Sorry, he’s kind of a dick. He did apologize for the comments and said he only said them because he was irritated, but let’s face it, irritated words are often laced with true feelings. Alli got shit-talked far more in the initial days following the separation announcement and she didn’t say a word. It’s not that difficult.

And now, I’ll finish with this final point:

  1. The majority of the CTFxC are blind children.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that most of the subscribed people to the channel are younger kids. Even during meet-ups and mail vlogs it is plainly clear that the majority of people who watch vloggers range from 10-15. That isn’t a bad thing, but the way said people react to this situation is disheartening and annoying.

Whenever someone like me voices their opinion, it is responded to with comments such as, “He has cancer, give him a break,” “You’re not a real CTFxCer,” and, my personal favorite, “Why do you care so much?”

Let me respond to all of that:

I’ll start with the cancer comment. I’m more than aware that Charles has cancer and it sucks. But, that fact doesn’t exempt him from me choosing whether or not to like the things he does. The fact of the matter is that Charles’ lifespan is limited and perhaps that made him want to pursue another relationship where he felt he would be happier all the more. That’s fine. I can choose to disagree with his methods and choices he makes and I don’t think that makes me an uncaring or heartless person simply because he has cancer.

It was his decision and his right to be with Allie and I respect that, let me make that very clear. I have nothing against Allie at all, not even a little bit, and I’m genuinely happy that she and Charles seem good together. All I am saying is that I preferred the dynamic of Charles and Alli and I think Charles handled multiple aspects of this ordeal very wrong, and I disagree with them.

As for whether or not I’m a real fan, that isn’t really for someone else to decide. I think I was. I understand a lot of people believe that the channel was Charles completely but I think that’s a big slap in the face to what Alli did bring to the channel. Face it – the majority of their subscribers subscribed because they loved the couple. Alli had a lot to do with the success of the channel. Now that the couple element is absent, it’s just hollow to me. Perhaps I am not a “true fan” anymore, but I definitely was. 

And finally, the beautiful comment “Why do you care so much, it’s not your life, get over it.” Why do you care so much? Are we both not watching a complete stranger vlog about his life every day and now arguing about it? It’s seriously the most backwards hypocritical comment I see and it totally baffles me. If I can’t care than you can’t either. 

All in all, that’s really all I have to say specifically about the situation and why I think it sucks, so I’ll move on now to why I don’t watch anymore: Alli helped create that channel and a piece of it is gone forever. As a result, I feel detached from the former connection I had.

I get that not everyone feels the same way, but ever since Alli’s departure, it hasn’t felt the same to me. Allie, admittedly, does make me feel sort of uncomfortable, but that is mostly because Charles and her are, like I said, sickeningly sweet and annoying to the point where I legitimately feel like a third wheel while I’m watching. Even when it is just Charles, though, I’m bored and skipping through most of it. I watch Alli’s occasional video and love it to pieces – I feel more connected, and in the end, you only watch vlogs you feel a connection with, and it’s absent in the CTFxC vlogs now.

That’s all I have to say, really. Feel free to voice your opinion to me and I’ll listen and respond back, respectfully.

Double standards need to STOP!

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I definitely wouldn’t call myself a feminist by today’s standards. A lot of feminists today are a little too harsh on men and want to be compensated for mistreatment by getting advantages that a man wouldn’t. Eh, to each their own, I just do not feel that way. Disclaimer over!

I am, though, an equal-opportunist, in that I believe firmly that everyone should be treated equally, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation – anything but the content of your character. I’m pretty sure most people fall into this category, and because I’m so used to my own friends being the same as me in that respect, I never really thought that anyone my age would feel much differently.

Sure, in high school I knew some kids who didn’t like gay people or didn’t agree with gay marriage being legalized, but that’s something I figured would happen living in a religiously-dominated state. A few kids expressed distaste for the fact that my boyfriend at the time was African-American and I was white. I can handle that – we all know that racism is still alive and well in this country and will be for the foreseeable future. I didn’t agree with these views, but I dealt with it. But, I really didn’t think that men still held old-fashioned, stereotypical, double-standard ideals about women. I really didn’t. Nothing in high school prepared me for that – the boys all seemed to treat girls well and none expressed any hatred for the fact the women’s suffrage movement decades ago was successful. Maybe I saw it online sometimes on YouTube comments, but that’s the internet, and you have to really lower your standards for humanity if you’re reading YouTube comments.

Even when I graduated from high school, boys seemed to treat ladies just fine. I would check my social media and see all of the friends I’ve acquired throughout the years – most of which I was never really friends with, I’m sure a lot of you have the same thing – and none ever gave me that impression. Basically, nothing ever made me think that a prejudiced view on women still existed with people in my age group. 

Tonight, though, a guy I barely knew during high school wrote the dumbest tweet I’ve probably ever seen:

“Smh. A girl wants to get laid more than a guy does? Where did their dignity go?”

I legitimately thought my eyes were going to fall out of my skull. Did I suddenly time-travel back the fifties?

Even more incredulously, many other guys liked his tweet and even took to replying, filling the internet with more vapid slut-bashing and women-hating words.

To make my point more clear, this is the guy at my high school who literally spent all of his time attempting to have sex with every girl he would get to be his girlfriend. A girl he’s friends with even mentioned that fact, which was rebutted by him and his friends.

Maybe in this guy’s male-centric world, girls don’t have sexual urges or desires unless he initiates it. Admittedly, it’s not completely his fault for feeling that way – the media constantly puts females in a sex-hating light. How many television shows/movies have you seen where a female denies her boyfriend sex for (insert any reason here)? The guys are always the sex-crazed, puppy-dog eyed ones chasing after girls who promptly reject them. Moreso, these sex-driven men are received no less well by the audience than the most virginal ones. However, switch the roles and put a woman in and immediately you’ll hear, “Oh, she’s a slut.”

We too often see the girl in a show with a lengthy sex partner list who is almost always a ridiculous caricature – she dresses revealingly, cheats on her boyfriends, has very questionable morals and is dumber than a sack of bricks.

A man can want many physical relationships and it’s acceptable, but when it’s a woman, it’s suddenly something “bad” that needs to be justified by something, such as being stupid or self-absorbed. 

Little do we know is that these things do put these backwards ideas into people’s heads and they come to believe it as facts. That being said, this goes even farther than the media – way too many parents give their kids ridiculous ideals about sex, especially when it comes to their daughters.

We already have the media spewing these stereotypes and double-standards at us, and then suddenly parents/school health class/our peers make it seem like a girl wanting sex is something to be ashamed of. We are taught that men are sex animals who can’t control their urges, and we should be above that. Only guys have non-committal sex with girls they barely know; girls should only want sex if they’re in a committed relationship. 

It goes the other way, too. Girls who don’t “put out” are shown to be mean girls who tease men who can’t help themselves. That, or they’re shown to be nerdy, friendless girls who can’t get a guy to like them. These caricatures are almost more harmful, as these girls aren’t society’s idea of “beautiful,” and are usually portrayed to be overweight, socially-awkward and simply just weird. Really nice, I’m sure that does plenty to ease the horrible way girls feel about themselves in this country.

A friend of mind reminded me about another thing that needs to be addressed: a girl can wear/do whatever she wants without it having to mean something. Far too many times I have seen surveys where a man thinks rape is justified if a woman is dressed revealingly. Now, most people I’m sure don’t agree with that, but still, the way girls dress definitely cause uproar amongst others. A girl wears a mini-skirt or a tube top and immediately she must be looking for a one-night stand, sleeps around, what have you. Guys really seem to think girls get dressed with them in mind. “Why else would she wear clothes like that unless she wanted me?”

Going back to the “nerdy girl” stereotype, clothes affect them, too. The caricature of them I mentioned insinuates heavily that they lack sex appeal not only because they’re not skinny/have frizzy hair/wear glasses/act differently, but because they dress “badly”: they dress very modestly, not high-brand stuff, that kind of thing.  How often do we see a girl in the movies, unable to find a boyfriend, who dresses differently and modestly and is made-up by her girl friends to look like a supermodel, and she’s suddenly happier and everything comes full circle? Yeah, that doesn’t happen.

So many people just jump to these conclusions (slut, prude, etc) without even speaking to the person! A girl who would otherwise maybe want to wear a low-cut shirt because she wanted to may feel pressured into wearing something else to fit “society’s” acceptable idea of what she should wear, out of the fear of being called a “whore.” That is insanity.

All these things do is make girls more self-conscious than they already are. If a woman finds herself being physically attracted to someone, or wants to have non-committal sex, those false-ideals plague their minds. “I shouldn’t want this, I’ve been told my entire life that I don’t want sex as much as men do, and since I do, there must be something wrong with me.” 

Women are guilty of contributing to this nonsense, too. We are a very jealous bunch, and resort to the most vicious of name-calling when we’re mad at each other. “Oh my God, Michelle is such a whore. She has sex with everything that breathes.” “Emily is such a tease. I would have broken up with her like Jason did, too, if she never wanted to have sex but would make-out with him.” “Do you see that shirt she’s wearing? Why not just walk around naked? She obviously just wants attention.” It’s ridiculous! You may be guilty of it yourself. How many times have you seen a girl post a picture to Facebook with her chest falling out of her bra and thought, “God, attention-seeking, much?” Probably more than you’d like to admit. I’ll admit it! We’re human, we think things without really thinking first. It’s actually believing those thoughts that is the problem, and more do than should.

Ladies, let me tell you something: there is nothing wrong with wanting sex less than a guy, just as much as a guy, or more than a guy does. There is nothing wrong with wanting to wait until marriage for sex, or having sex a ton of times with tons of men or women, if that’s what you want! We don’t all come from the same mold; we’re all different. Sexual desire comes from the most primal part of our brain, and anyone who tells you that you aren’t normal for having those urges (or not having them) is lying to you.

When it comes to your clothes? You’re a grown woman and this is a free country. You have the absolute right to wear whatever you want and it doesn’t have to mean anything. Bring out the short-shorts - if people want to call you a whore for wearing them, let them. They don’t know anything about you, so just rise above it. On the other hand, if you like to wear modest clothes, don’t let people tell you that you lack sex appeal, or that you’re a prude. Wear what you want! Find people who want to date you/be your friend for you as is.

For anyone to insinuate that a woman lacks dignity, respect, or self-worth because she likes to have sex or likes to dress a certain way is completely ridiculous and I’m honestly sad that people my age still feel this way.

Yes, it can be a problem when it involves somebody else’s partner, or when she cheats, what have you, but that isn’t what we’re talking about here. Have your own opinion on girls who sleep around a lot, but remember this:

What a grown woman does with her sex life is nobody’s business but her own. 

veronicasenovaevans:

:) You are welcome.

I can’t even with how much I’ve always loved this scene!

To be honest, I still can’t believe he didn’t call her back.

❤️

snazziest:

"I AINT NEED A VINE TO WHIP YA ASS"

Bulbasaur, NO :(

snazziest:

"I AINT NEED A VINE TO WHIP YA ASS"

Bulbasaur, NO :(

Make Me Choose: Jim/Pam or Hermione/Ron.
"When you’re a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are going to be right about that."

This. ❤️